Dinophilia: The Lost Perv
by Evil-Sme-Schizo-Pip
Summary: Ah ha! Despite the reviews of disgust, there be a sequel, for my remaining fans, and my own amusement. Read, for new characters, new plot, though not really a plot at all, and more of Sparky & Alan's BRILLIANCE!
1.

_**Chapter 1**_

"So, Jigglewit, lovely doing business with you, I'm looking forward to the future."

"Excellent, Bob, my good man, Muldoon & Kibblespit Enterprises will blossom in this new era that befalls us."

Bob and Sir Kibblespit, who were now on first name terms, had signed the necessary papers, and joined forces.

Hammy and Patrick waltzed in the room looking utterly delighted with themselves. They were arm in arm, unashamed of their relationship, which is EXCELLENT.

"My God, what happened to Grant????" Patrick ran forward alarmed for his old friend.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was Ellie. Her face was red and stained from tears, and Patrick, even in his dumb state since the boating accident, knew something was wrong.

"What is it Ellie, is he...dead????"

Everyone gathped.

"GOD NO!!!! This faithful author would never, EVER dream of killing of Alan!!!!"

"True, true, well why is he like that????" Patrick pointed to the table where Alan's bottom still stood open to the midnight breeze.

"It was meeeeeeeeeeee, he was scaaaared of me...It's not faaaair..."

"BLOO-DY DIE!!!!" said a Welsh accent.

BANG!!!!

Everyone stood frozen to the spot at the sound of the gunshot. Patrick saw where the first voice had come from-a whiny Spinosaurus called Warren, as everyone knows. Bob stood in the middle of the room with his gun up. He looked around, gave an awkward smile, and put it down.

"Well, I told him to bloody shut up." He said, in his newly claimed Welsh accent. (????)

Everyone shrugged and told Patrick the story.

"So, er, shouldn't we wake him now that it's dead????"

Ellie stifled a sob and looked away, and Sparky blushed and looked at his 6-inch retractable claws, like razors on his middle toes.

"What's going on between you three..." Hammy stepped forward and asked.

"Nothing." Ellie said quickly. "I-it's nothing..."

"Well anyway, we need to get rid of the remaining threats to the museum-Roger and Tony." Bob said, brandishing his gun once again.

"Aren't you dead...yet????" asked Lex, and Bob shot her in the arm. She screamed but no one paid any attention.

"Er, I'll go find Roger and get rid of him." Spotty said. SpDotty, Sparky and Timmy.

"I'll take Alan and revive him..." Ellie said.

"We'll go back to the control room and do next to nothing to help." Said bob and Sir Kibblespit.

"And we'll come with you, and screw something up, so this story has a bit more plot." Said Hammy and Patrick.

And so everyone went his or her separate ways.


	2. Thorne & Levine

_**Chapter 2**_

In the control room, Hammy and Patrick were whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, and Bob and Sir Kibblespit were smoking very large, smoky cigars. Suddenly the door banged open, and in burst Doc Thorne and Richard Levine, arguing loudly. Following them was THE COOL DUDE OF THE LOST WORLD (no suing me please) Eddie Carr, with a candy bar or 100 in his backpack. (????)

"I am SO much better than you!!!!"

"No you're bloody not Levine, now see here, I-"

"Oh come ON I SO am, all this nonsense about T-Rexes having sight based on movement, it's idiotic"

"But it's been concluded that Tyrannosaurs have the brain of a frog. It's been tried and tested on Pam, she-"

"No, no, no Grant's silly theories are not to be notice-"

And with that, Bob had shot him.

"Don't take much for you to shoot people does it, Bob????"

"Sure doesn't"

"You guys, we came to find you coos it's no longer safe in here. Come to my Hump High, I mean high hide." Said Eddie, seriously.

So Doc, Eddie, Bob, Sir Kibblespit, Hammy and Patrick went to the High hide.

Ellie dragged Alan's heavy body into the nearest room. She was sobbing, unable to hold back the tears, now they were alone. Her and Alan needed to talk. She loved him, more than anything, and everyone said they had been perfect together...but the way he looked at Sparky...she didn't like to think about it.

"Alan, Alan, honey, sweetie, speka to me, PLEASE!!!!" she slapped his face, gently at first then harder to let out her frustration. Then she stood up and started kicking him, and threw him against the wall, and then grabbed a gun from a shelf and shot off a toe.

Finally he woke up.

"Owwww...I ache all over..."

"Yeah sorry about that" Ellie said glumly. She put her head in her hands and leant against the wall. "Alan..."

Alan pulled up his trousers, confused and joined her.

"You love Sparky, don't you."

"What???? Who told you that????"

"We can all see it. Sparky feels the same way."

At this Alan gasped, but put his hand on Ellie's.

"You're the only girl for me. Sparky's just a good friend."

Ellie frowned, and turned to face his kind, sweet eyes.

"Are you...sure????"

"Yes, and I've been, er, meaning to ask you something..." he struggled to put himself on one knee. Ellie's eyes widened.

"Ellie Sattler, friend and lover, only one who ever listens while I talk about the difference between a bone and a rock, I love you more than anything else in the world, and will you do me the honour of becoming my wife????"

**_Author's Note: Sorry to be evil, but these guys aren't gonna appear much in the 2nd one, as well, they weren't in the 2nd book now were they. Trust me, it's harder for me than any of you-you know how I love Alan!!!!_**

**_MWAHHHAHAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER!!!!_**


	3. High hide & Searching

_**Chapter 3**_

Hammy was annoyed. Patrick was becoming involved in all the kafuffle to do with the museum other than talking to him. So hammy walked down a hill and sat on a rock.

Patrick, Eddie, Doc, Bob and Kibblespit were in the high hide, looking through TRUSTY NIGHTVISION GOGGLES for signs of life.

"I hope Sparky and the others take care of Timmy."

"What happened to the girl I shot????" Bob asked.

Silence.

"Bugger. We left her to die. Ahhh well."

"Bob," Patrick whispered in his ear. "What's happening between Alan and Ellie????"

"Ahhh we shoudoln't really talk about it as they aren't in a sequel, he's meant to be the Lost perv after all. (Author's ntoe: D'YA GETIT????) But I thought it was pretty obvious that Alan's in love with Sparky."

"Ahhh so that's it."

"Yup."

"Indeed."

Time to cut over to the raptors and Timmy. It almost seems like this author is struggling. WLEL SHE ISN'T I TELLS YA SHE ISN'T. (**struggles)** Bugger.

Sparky was noticably quieter than usual. No one talked, apart from Spotty asking for a push of his skateboard every now and then, and SpDotty thinking he saw Roger.

"is that him????"

"No. That's a tree."

"Is that him????"

"No, that's a swallow."

"Is THAT him???"

"lion."

"Is tha-"

"Giant figurine of Queen Elizabeth"

"I-"

"Pam."

"oh."

Silence.

"PAM????"

"Hey boys, anyone up for a good time????"

They stared at her. She had had liposuction, and was a size 10, her thighs were strong but thin as a pole, her face had no wrinkles, or, even scales, and her eyelashes had lengthened dramatically. To Spotty, she was entirely beautiful.

"M...m...me!!!! Me I do I wanna good time, gimme a good time am GIMME A GOOD TIME!!!!" Spotty started thrashing about on his skateboard to get up and look at her vertically.

"Well soldier, come with me..." And she picked him up in her teeth (whcih were pearly white) and walked off.

"That's probably the last time we will see him." SpDotty said.


	4. MORE Kids and Such Things

_**Chapter 4**_

Patrick was in the High hide, but he decided to go look for his lover Hammy so he jumped down and skipped off, with Doc following carefully.

Suddenly they heard a noise.

"Wassat????"

"Shut up patrick. It came from the bushes. I smell a large annoying rate passing through the area."

"Annoying????" But that only comes from..."

They looked at eachother.

"FICTIONAL CHILDREN!!!!"

And right onc ue, two kids with ginormous heads and tiny bodies and one holding a lotta toothpaste fell out of the conveniently placed bushes.

"Oh god no."

"Hey I'm Elly. And this is Karby, and we're gonna help you for no aprticular reason, and-"

"Oh shut the fuck up" Doc said and whacked them both round the head.

And they took them back to camp.

Meanwhile, Sparky, SpDotty and Timmy were making their way slowly over a large hill, btu Timmy kept whining.

"Shut up, kid, you're nto even meant to be in the sequel."

"OOOooooh I SO am, just for a little bit"

"Shut up, Timmy, please." SpDotty took Timmy by the hand/claw. "For me."

Timmy blushed. Oh anything for you."

Sparky started mimicing throwing up.

"Hey you cna talk-you're in lvoe with a dinophile!!!!"

"Spark-EY will rip your eyes out"


	5. Confusion & Stupidity

_**Chapter 5**_

"So, Doc, what happened in the last chapter????"

"Not sure Patrick, I'm just checking...ahh right we have Elly and Karby don't we."

"Right."

They were making their way back to the High Hide to dump the annoying kids, but soon found they were lost.

"Oh bloody hell Patrick, this is all your fault."

"No, the stupid kid's were leading us."

"Why the hell were they leading us, if they don't know where it is????"

"Good question."

And, as if my MAGIC, they heard a scurry in the bushes.

"Raptors????"

"No. Bigger."

"A T-Rex????"

"No. Smaller."

"A Carnosaurus????"

"No. Smaller."

"Patrick I don't know any other dinosaurs, except Gallimimus, brachiosaurus, and compys."

"Yes, it's that."

"A COMPY???? A BLOODY COMPY???? HOW THE HELL IS A COMPY BIGGER THAN A RAPTOR????"

"I dunno, they could be."

Doc slapped Patrick round the back of the head, grabbed Elly, and threw her body in the bushes.

"ARGH ARGH!!!!"

"What did you do that for mister????" Karby asked in horror. "She's being eaten alive!!!!"

"Well technically she's being scavenged cos I happen to know that these particular compys are stupid, and think she's dead/dying."

"How do you know that????"

"The author wrote it in, I can't hold a single thought for myself. Now let's go. I can smell Eddie form here."


	6. Oopsydaisy BAAAAD chapter

_**Chapter 6**_

Sparky was going through emotional turmoil. On one hand, he was missing Alan, desperately, with all his heart, but on the other hand, he was SICK of looking at Timmy and SpDotty stare at each other with glazed over dreamy eyes.

"Spark-EY wanna kick you so MUCH!!!!"

"We're in love Spark. Leave us alone."

Spark. Alan used to call him that. He remembered that sweet Kiwi accent...

"Weren't we meant to be doing something????" Timmy asked.

"Errrrr, yeah looking for Roger."

Luckily, who should stumble across them then, but Roger, followed by Tony, who was looking very sorry for himself.

"What the hell are you doing here????" Roger snarled and took out his 6-inch retractable claw.

"We've come to stop you taking over this museum Roger. It's BADDDDDDDD. And Spark-EY is going to stop you."

He got out his 6-inch retractable claw too.

They circled each other menacingly. Roger was growling deeply, and Sparky was whining very squeakily.

"Sparky!!!!" called his cousin worriedly. "Leave it, think of Alan!!!!"

Alan...

Sparky forced him to the back of his mind, and carried on circling. He had to kill Roger.

"You'll never get me, you useless thing. Call yourself a raptor????" Roger hissed. "You're nothing, NOTHING, you-"

And with that Sparky had pounced on him. SpDotty and Timmy looked on in horror as they scrapped around on the ground. It was clear straight away that Roger was significantly stronger than Sparky, and immediately had his teeth round his neck. Sparky struggled and squealed but couldn't get free. His vision was going fuzzy, everything then waved to a black.

He had gone.


	7. Cowardice & Mourning

_**Chapter 7**_

"You killed him!!!! You killed Sparky!!!!" SpDotty screamed at the top of his voice.

"I'm not in the mood for stupid excuses for raptors to challenge me!!!!" Roger roared.

"Pa, is this cos of mum..."

"Shut up Tony!!!! You're a DISGRACE, a DISGRACE!!!! You may as well join these pathetic things. Just piss off, get away from me all of you."

And he ran into the trees.

SpDotty dropped to his knees, somewhat with difficulty, but managed it, and bent over Sparky. Raptors have no way of feeling pulses, but Sparky's body was motionless.

"What do we do????" croaked Timmy.

"I suppose we have to leave him..."

"Won't Alan want his body.????"

"I don't think so. It would be too hard for him."

They stood in silence for a moment in respect and mourning for Sparky, their beloved cousin and friend, and then went on their way, with Tony sneakily following.

"Tony, we know you're there."

"S-sorry guys, I, er, I, can I come with you????"

"I dunno Tony...I mean, you're Roger's son."

"But I get my personality from my mother's side. Her mum was a hippie frog."

"That makes no sense Tony, but we'll forget it and move on. OK, but if you're any threat to us whatsoever, you're gone."

"Ok, SpDotty."

"SpDotty, we better get back to the Visitor Centre and tell the others."

"Sure. Let's go."


	8. Parental Love & Failed Hugging Attempts

Chapter 8

SpDotty, Timmy and Tony were trotting along and the mood was very glum.

"I'm glum." Said Timmy.

"Yeah me too." Said SpDotty

"And me." Said Tony.

"Did you even KNOW Sparky????"

"Errrrr, mebbe..."

Just then, they heard the ol' thump thump of Tony's dear ol' ma.

"Tony!!!! My son!!!! C'mere and give your ma a big hug!!!!"

They struggled for a few minutes but failed to wrap their arms around each other, so settled with banging stomachs.

"Where're you going????"

"To the visitor centre, ma, look I got friends!!!!"

"No you haven't" Timmy and SpDotty corrected him at exactly the same time.

"Well near enough."

"Hey PAM, have you still got Spotty????"

"Spotty???? What the freak who kept on falling over????"

They nodded.

"Oh no, he got eaten by a bay bird."

"Great. That's a brother and a cousin I've lost..." SpDotty burst into tears."

Timmy comforted him while Pam talked to Tony.

"Have you seen your father around???? I need to talk to him."

"No mum, he ran away. He's hurting badly but he won't admit it."

"Grrrr that stupid dinosaur!!!! Why can't he show his feelings!!!! Always trying to act hard and KILLING THE COOL PEOPLE!!!!"

"I know mum it's terrible."

"We better get going Tony." Timmy called.

"The humans are in a shack in the middle of a tree you know."

"Oh cool, we'll go there then."

And off they went, cos I like the phrase off they went.


	9. Annoyed Authors & Lack of Medical Traini...

_**Chapter 9**_

Hammy had been trudging along for many days, slash hours. He missed Patrick. Bless 'im. He felt cheated by the others that he wasn't meant to have a big part in the sequel, so this author gave him a biggish part anyway. After all, it's not as though any of these other chapters are very realistic.

So, after wondering why Bob still wasn't dead, he heard a noise in the bushes ahead.

"Why are there ALWAYS noises in the bushes!!!!"

"Oh shut up, where else can I have you meet things." Lucie the author said, dressed as Alan.

"Fine, fine...though why can't I meet them whilst walking or something."

"YOU ARE WALKING!!!!"

"Piss off."

"Humph." And off she went back to typing at 7:00 in the morning. YAWN!!!!

SO there was a rustle in the bushes right...RIGHT???? and out of them stumbled...

"Annoying Kid!!!!"

It was Lex, in much pain, and holding her arm, covered in blood.

"Grandpa...please help..." she collapsed at his feet.

He looked at her body for a few seconds, then decided everyone thought she was dead already, so what could he possibly do????

No, I'm asking you, what could he possibly do???? He has no medical training whatsoever, he's preoccupied with finding his lover, and is high on the ol' crack.

Interesting.

So to make her passing easier, he stamped on her foot and broke it.

Told you he had no medical training.


	10. Threats & New Species

_**Chapter 10**_

Patrick and Doc were still finding their way back to the High Hide.

"Are we nearly there yet????"

"No, Patrick."

"Are we there now????"

"NO, Patrick!!!!"

"How about now????"

Doc Thorne shoved his gun in Patrick's face.

"If you don't shut up now, I will fire. I'm tired, hungry and I've been stuck in this stupid fanfiction for 10 CHAPTERS!!!!"

"Ok, ok, but just for the record-I was in the first one too."

"Yeha but that one was good."

"True, true."

They carried on walking, until they entered a clearing, and got their first look of a six-foot turkey.

Sorry, was that a Jurassic Park quote???? Dunno how that got there. DON'T SUE ME!!!!

"Bloody hell what's that????"

It was a CairnTerriersaurus, and it running head first into a brick wall over and over again.

"Never mind that-what's THAT????"

There was also a GayTribesaurus, who was sitting smoking and making a lot of unnecessary noise.

"Never mind THAT, what's THAT????"

It was a CheeseDogsaurus, which was incredibly cute and ate cheese all day long.

"Hey, Patrick, let's get outta here. Patrick???? Patrick????"

Patrick had been copying the CairnTerriersaurus adn was runnign into a brick wall.

"Oh Patrick..." and Doc dragged him off.


	11. Hammy & Shithead

**_Chapter 11_**

**_Author's Note: wahey more reviews than expected but oh well. Sorry for the sparky death-i've had a lot of hits for that from the original sparky. On other news sparky and i went to see T-Rex 3d at the science museum in london yesterday-where dinophilia was set. PAM ROCKED!!!!_**

**_Treekicker-yes yes yes ian LOOVEEEES his morphine and he is high on morphine all the way through this, even if i don't put it. He is called patrick cos sparky and i could never remember whether it was ian malcolm or malcolm ian._**

**_GO DOC_**

Anyway...

Hammy was upset, and cold. He had been trudging through the forest for some time now, and he missed Patrick soooooooo much.

Up ahead, he saw a waterfall. Waterfalls reminded him of his love, for no particular reason, let's say cos they are PRETTY.

He ran across to take a drink as he was severely dehydrated and was abotu to feed himself to some sharks, but he saw a creature on the other side of the river. It had a fat face, looked like a pig and had huge lips. It also had very bad make up on, which offended Hammy greatly.

He made sure his own make-up was ok, and approached the dinosaur.

"Hello...are you dangerous????"

It looked up sharply.

"I'm Shitheadasaurus. I'm dangerous cos my lips could swallow you, and I look moody ALL THE TIME and I'm stupid and hypocritical and I GLUE CRAP OVER YOUR ALAN GRANT PICTURES LUCIE!!!!"

Just then the author ran in.

"FUCK YOU BITCH I WILL SO GET YOU FOR THAT!!!! NO ON RUINS MY SAM NEILL PICTURES!!!!"

And she gunned her down.

Hammy stood shellshocked.

"Do I get paid now????" he said.


	12. Jaunty Hats & Cool Dudes

_**Chapter 12**_

Doc was still carrying stupid Arby in a plastic bag. He was dragging it across the stony ground and you could hear small yelps every now and then. Patrick kicked the bag every so often, to keep Arby behaving, and cos it was fun!!!!

"Are we nearly there YET????" Patrick whined.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE-oh wait yes, yes we are."

"WAHEY!!!!" Patrick jumped on the High Hide and climbed up. Bob and Kibblespit were still there playing strip poker, with "Kibblespit & Muldoon Enterprises" playing cards. (They ahd pictures of posing compys on them).

"OI!!!! Help me with the brat!!!!" Doc shouted.

Eddie got up and looked over.

"You brought Lex back????"

"Nope, she died, we got Arby."

"Oh god no."

"Oh god yes"

Just then, they heard a snarling in the bushes. It was a Mushosaurus, and it was angry and in a mood, as it always is.

"Quick, Patrick, Eddie, EEEEEK it'll get me, and I'm too cool to die!!!!" Doc screamed and threw up Arby's limp body.

Eddie leaned over and grabbed Arby's arm and began to help him up but OH DEAR just then a large breeze came along and knocked off Eddie's cool dude hat.

Of course, this hat was worth way more than Arby, well in Eddie's eyes anyway, so he let go of him and sent him crashing to the ground.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" **thump**

Doc looked silently and the body mangled next to his feet, and with hardly a moment's hesitation, shrugged and started to climb the High Hide.

When he got to the top Bob stood up and gave him the secret handshake of one cool dude to another.

"God, we have jaunty hats."

"We sure do."

Patrick and Kibblespit felt left out so they finished the game of strip poker together.

Kibblespit won...


	13. INTERLUDE Happy Birthday Sam Neill

Chapter 13

Author's Note: In light of my obsession with Alan/Sam Neill, I have decided to take this oppurtunity to write this chapter on Alan, as it is...

HIS 57TH BIRTHDAY!!!!

**dances in a circle**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM NEILL!!!!

Say it... shakes fist

So.

Alan and Ellie were still in the cupboard. Alan was lying with Ellie leaning over him NOT IN THAT WAY YOU SICK MINDED FREAKS cos Alan was still weak from the morphine jab and ellie was caring for him. Yes.

"I, er, don't know what to say Alan...I thought, I thoguht you loved Sparky..."

"Sparky's a friend. Nothing more. We know we're made for eachother you and I, come on, whaddya say, let's get married!!!!"

"I, I don't know what to say..."

"Well an answer would be good, in the affirmative if possible."

"Er..."

"Do you love me????"

"OF COURSE, who couldn't, you're so sweet and loving and cute and sexy, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh you're GORGEOUS!!!!"

and she jumped on him.

Thye rolled around for a few minutes...

"Oh by the way, yes I will marry you."

_**GATHP!!!!**_


	14. Toodles Hammy

**_Chapter 14_**

**Author's Note: SHEESH I haven't written anything for a while have I???? Not that anyone cares. No one reads my stuff anyway, unless I force them. Ah well these things happen. I did have a rough plan for this story-well hardly-but I lost it, so there we go.**

**RANDOMNESS AHEAD!!!!**

The author and Hammy were walking along, as everyone does in this story.

Suddenly, Lucie looked up and sniffed.

"Oh bugger!!!! I smell Alan getting engaged to someone other than me!!!!"

"How the hell can you tell that????"

"My Spidey senses!!!!" she winked, grew wings and took off.

Hammy reached into his pocket, brought out a small brown bottle of pills and threw it in a bush.

"I gotta find Patrick!!!!"

He started running, made energetic by his pure unadulterated love for Paddy and got to the clearing where the High Hide was.

"Yes!!!! I've found you!!!! I'm coming my love!!!!"

He scrambled up the scaffolding that was THIS STORY'S High hide and jumped into the box.

But...

Nothing.

"Where is he???? WHERE ARE THEY ALL????"

All that was left was a few playing cards and a small black box. Hammy moved closer to it and picked it up. It had red digital numbers on it, was beeping every second and seemed to be counting down to something.

Hammy turned it over, confused, and it said in large white letters 'BOMB'

He dropped it and started climbing down, when

**_BOOM!!!!_**

(In Birmingham accent-hehehehehehe Aerobics Sparky, d'you remember????)

And that, was the end of John Percival Hammond.


	15. Struggles & More Struggles

_Chapter 15_

**Author's note: Yeah, yeah, you know I should feel grateful to my reviewers for reviewing but all you do is moan at me!!!! I am perfectly aware sparky is not here-Catriona hasn't spoken to me since!!!! Well she has, that's a lie, but yeah yeah. Actually that's all a lie I just read it through and realised I'm on chapter 15 and I killed him in Chapter 6. Oops. Wow I LOVE THIS SONG brb. Ok, sorry about that. I was dancing. Erm, I completely forgot where I was!!!! Shite!!!! Oh right, I was going to moan. Oh yeah, yeah-tigger-shuddup!!!! And treekicker-I'll get round to Paddy coming in!!!! This story is hard!!!! Don't rush me-you know it'll kill you when it finishes...OH MY GOD I hadn't thought about it ending!!!! Awww what will I do then in the middle of the night when I have nothing to do on the computer but play Bingo!!!!????**

**NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!**

**Ok ok, I'm over it...Mmmmm Jude Law.**

**GOD I GO ON A LOT!!!!**

**On with the chapter.**

**Hell, I don't know what I'm doing, don't let me fool you into thinking I do.**

**I've nearly spent a page rambling. Ok time to start.**

Lucie was wondering what to type next. She decided to keep her reviewers happy and add Paddy. But first she had to remember what she left him doing. Just a second, she said, while she finds out.

She came back still with no idea.

Paddy, Kibblespit, Bob, Eddie, and Doc had left the high hide in a hurry to get back to the Visitor's Centre and see if anyone else had had any luck doing what the were meant to do-KILL ROGER AND TONY.

They were weary form walking, when suddenly, as everything happens in this story with the word suddenly, Tony, SpDotty, and Timmy walked into them.

"What're you doing here????" said Timmy. "We were coming to find you"

Patrick, who had been stopping Bob from shooting Tony, answered.

"We were going to the Visitor's Centre I think."

"Who knows anymore?" said SpDotty, sitting on his tail.

"What's the matter????" Doc asked, concerned.

"Sparky...he was...killed..."

"NO!!!!" Bob shouted. "Not by..."

SpDotty nodded. "Roger"

"That's it. That dinosaur has ruined my friend's lives and mine too much. First my brother, then Sparky, which will drive Alan mad. I'm hunting him down."

And he ran off with his gun.

"So NOW he will finally die." Eddie said, relieved.

"He's not gonna die, ok????"

"But he's a cool dude, of course he will. Like you and I will."

"Eddie!!!!" Doc shouted. "We're NOT going to die, and nor is Bob. Now let's just carry on together."

"Fine, but one quick thing. Tony-are you evil????"

"Nope."

"Good."

And off they went.

Again.

**Author's Note: WOW I wish I had more inspiration. Am I holding up ok????**


	16. WE'RE BACK ON TRACK PEOPLE!

_**Chapter 16**_

**Author's Note: I LOVE HALLOWE'EN oh I wish I could show y'all the pictures of me and Sparky!!!! I painted Cat green and drew scales on her mwahhahahahahhahahaha. I was an excellent Alan. Cat then did scars on me and they won't come off. Shite.**

Pam was depressed. Sure, she had the new body, but she did honestly love Roger. There must have been something wrong with her to keep cheating on him. She couldn't work it out.

So she went to a therapist.

The therapist was actually Jigglewit Kibblespit's cousin, Lady Pittlewit Kibblespit. She had several degrees, none of them in therapy, but Pam couldn't read, so she didn't know that.

Pam was lying on a specially made sofa for her, telling the story of her life to Lady Kibblespit.

"And then he ran off, and I think he was crying but he doesn't like to show his emotions, you know what men are like."

Lady Kibblespit looked over her glasses.

"I'm a 65,000,000 year old reptile, and I still have my maiden name. Do you think I do know what men are like????"

Pam didn't know how to answer this, so didn't.

"What do you think is wrong with me, though."

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious." Lady Kibblespit sighed and took off her glasses. "You're a sexaholic."

"A...sexaholic..." Pam blushed.

"You cannot settle with one man, or if you can, the man you chose couldn't work it for you. You know what I'm talkin' bou' sister????"

"N-n-not exactly."

"Me neither. This Roger isn't good enough for you Pamela. He isn't home on time, he shows no affection to your son whatsoever, possibly leaving him mentally confused and he doesn't know what YOU need."

Lady Kibblespit leant forward and put her hand on Pam's knee. Pam wasn't sure if this was womanly affection, or a pass at her. She pulled her miniskirt down over knee and sat up, pulling her knees into her chest.

Lady Kibblespit took her hand away, and wrote something on her clipboard. She ripped a bit of paper off and handed it to Pam.

"Here's a prescription for viagra. There's no cure for a sexaholic, so when you find a man you want, feed him this twice a day and you'll have a satisfying relationship."

"Ok...will it work????"

"Oh yes, I feed it to my pet goat every night, and we live happily-"

Almost as soon as she had finished, Pam had rushed out the door.

**Author's note: Wow. I watched Jurassic Park last night, and brought up whole new inspirations. Briliant. I'm proud of this chapter.**


	17. Shortness!

_**Chapter 17**_

Spotty was in a daze. He couldn't remember where he was, or what he was doing there...he recalled sex, to some degree, then blackness.

He groaned and pulled himself to his feet, before flopping back over again. He looked around for his skateboard and balanced himself on it, then gathered his thoughts together.

Then everything came rushing back. Pam, his brothers, the humans...and then he had to fall over as the images of Pam made him dizzy.

Why had she left him???? He loved her. He needed to find civilisation-and fast!!!!

He sped away, as fast as his skateboard would carry him.

**Author's Note: Now THAT was short.**


	18. Hope You're All Bloody Happy

Chapter 18 

**Author's note: HOW RUDE!!!! Bad Rap, why haven't you reviewed before as you sound like you have read my story!!!! And I don't like reviews that are so unpersonal-put a name or SOMETHING. Sheesh. And Sparky wasn't the life and soul of this story so piss off!!!! Anyway, why couldn't you guys just SHUT UP cos you're ruining the 'surprise' ending. It's finishing very soon boohoo I can't wait thank god cos all i do is get moaned at!!!!**

Spotty was rolling as fast as could away from Pam's nest and to the Visitor's centre. It was getting lighter, as it had actually been dark, apparently, but there was an eerie silence.

"Where is everyone????" he thought.

He especially found it strange that he could usually hear Sparky from anywhere, as his voice was unusally high-pitched for a male raptor.

Out of the blue, and yes I did use a thesaurus to get that phrase as I'm sick of using suddenly, the skateboard smacked into a large lump. Spotty went flying off and landing on this lump. He scrabbled up and found it was

SPARKY!!!!

"Oh my god!!!! Sparky!!!! Are you, are you DEAD????" Spotty couldn't believe it...his brother...it oculdn't be true!!!!

"SPARKY!!!! COME ON SPARKY WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!! DO IT FOR ALAN!!!!"

And with that, Sparky's body trembled, and his eyelids, oh god I have to do this-THIS IS FOR YOU CATRIONA-'folded up'. Hehehehe. No one will get that but me and Cat.

"You ARE alive!!!! Don't scare me Sparky. Though you're wounded badly."

"Owww..." Sparky said. "I ache all over. Where's SPDotty and Timmy???? And Roger????"

"I dunno Spark. You better use my skatebaord-we'll go to Visitor's Centre together."

And they rolled off into the sunset.

**Author's Note: There are two more chapters. Review dammit, and no I didn't bring him back for you guys-I never actually said he was dead in the first place. SpDotty admitted there was no way of telling whether he had a pulse or not. God, you blow things way outta proportion. I expect apologies form the lot of you.**


	19. Chappy Chap Chapter

…_**Interlude…**_

**Hey y'all, sorry I haven't updated for YONKS, BUT, I have a good reason. Yes. My computer broke, cos I kinda unintentionally deleted windows…**

**Shut up, I have had too much piss taking already!**

**Yeah well, I watched Jurassic Park on a whim and found new inspiration for a possible sequel of this sequel! So sit tight those few remaning fans I do have (I got 7 new reviews this morning YAY) so here we go a chapter cos I'm on a friend's computer and she wants me to watch Trisha with her…**

**cough FREAK cough**

And so, after much deliberation, everyone and thing and dinosaur around the park was hurriedly rushing to the visitor's centre, where Alan and Ellie were still sitting in a closet.

"I couldn't be happier Alan!" Ellie said, beaming.

"I could…" mumbled Alan, as he had just found his purse with a picture of Sparky lap-dancing in it. "Oh, I could…"

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

Suddenly good old Patrick burst in the door.

"CAUGHT YOU…oh. Damn."

"What the fuck are you doing Patrick?" Alan said, astounded.

"Er, I thought you were gonna be having sex or something, and, well, you, know, I, er, wanted, er,"-he started mumbling under his breath-"free porn…"

"You're sick Paddy, utterly sick, but that's not the point at this moment in time." Sir Kibblespit patted Paddy on the back and pushed him gently back in the main hall place where Eddie, Bob and Doc were standing looking kinda wary of eveeeeeryone.

"So, has anyone killed Roger yet?" Ellie smiled.

"Nah, do you really think we could? We didn't even find him." Bob sighed, polishing his gun.

Ellie blinked. "Are you not dead yet?"

"Oh for goodness sake I'M NOT GONNA DI-"

And then Roger came running in and bit off his head.

"Damn." Said Alan.


	20. Biology Boredom

Chapter 20

But of course, Bob wasn't really dead, as this isn't REALLY Jurassic Park, and I would not let the brother of the coolest dude ever DIE!

Bob had actually ducked. YAY.

And Bob shot Roger. YAY.

Excellent.

_**Hehe, I'm in Biology. Lalalalala plants are boring!**_


	21. The Beginning of the EndI think

Chapter 21 

So Alan, Ellie, Patrick Eddie, Bob, Doc and Sir Kibblespit were in the main hall of the visitor centre, waiting. They paid no attention to the fact that Hammy had disappeared off the face of the earth, not even Patrick, whose brain-dead ways reduced him to sitting on the floor chewing on bits of bone.

You guessed it; the word 'suddenly' is about to appear.

Suddenly, the, er, rest of the company filled the room, including the newly revived Sparky!

Alan, not having ever known he had 'died', was obviously not surprised to see him, and as I can't remember who was there when he 'died' no surprise shall be shown for his return.

Alan's feelings for Sparky came rushing back when he came into view. He choked up, but not too much, cos he'd never die in my fanfics, and started sweating.

Ellie being the perceptive girl she is saw all this and sighed. She should have expected this. She stood up and sneaked out of the room, and no one noticed.

"So, did anyone actually do anything they were supposed to do?" Bob said to the crowded room.

There were mumbles and shrugs all round.

"Bloody brilliant."

"I found my new love, SpDotty!" said Timmy, holding SpDotty by the claw.

"I found I have extreme emotional problems, and that I may be turning into a lesbian" said Pam.

Spotty sighed. "Awwww, I was in love with you."

"Sorry" Pam said.

"Anyone else discover anything interesting…" said Lady Kibblespit mean fully, who had walked in a back entrance, surveyed the scene and, using her extremely psychological mind, realised the pent up sexual frustration between Alan and Sparky.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Oh for goodness' sake, it's so obvious!" A voice came from above.

Ellie had climbed onto a ledge in the ceiling and was shouting from there, tears streaming down her face.

People below were confused.

"Ellie!"

"What are you doing?"

"You crazy bitch!"

"Yes, I am crazy!" she sobbed, "Crazily in love with Alan, but I know he loves another, and I can't let him marry me when he'd be happier with someone else, but I can't live when he isn't with me!"

Again voices responded.

"Well that's confusing."

"Bit melodramatic to me."

"Stupid even."

"Alan, I have to hear you say it first. Tell everyone who you're in love with!"

"Ellie, I, I love…you!"

"IT'S NOT TRUE! TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU LOVE!"

"Ellie-"

"TELL THEM!"

Alan took a deep breath.

"It's Sparky."

And with that, he turned and ran far, far away.

And Ellie jumped.

Splat.

END OF DINOPHILIA: THE LOST PERV 

Author's Note: Hey hey hey! Went a little cuckoo at the end there didn't I? Talk about drama. I don't know when or if I'll write another book. It depends on the reviews. So review dammit!

**Sorry Ebony Moonlight, they didn't get it on.**

**Yet.**


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